At the beginning of the year I posted about Mom shaming... I discussed at large how social media oddly makes you feel like you aren't good enough.
As of the last week, I've read 2 separate articles about stop playing with your kid or your kids life shouldn't be magical.
Now I'm not going to tell you what to do because I value the other moms I call my friends and what works for me doesn't work for you or maybe them. But shaming a mom for making a party Pinterest worthy is no better than shaming her for not.
I am a firm believer of letting your kid outside, in the backyard or on the park play area without you standing beside them. Why because they and you need space. My girls when inside want to hug me and kiss me, have me read books, to tell them something interesting. Do my girls have the best decorated room on the block, probably not, why because whatever free time I have with them they are getting love and affection from me.
I don't play dolls with my girls, I don't make forts with them... I will bake with them, I will teach them to cook, fix their hair or have a dance party. But I let them have play time with themselves. I also afford that luxury because I have 2 of the same sex that are a year apart. So there is a constant friend in the house. Also means my house looks like your house does when the playdate is over, but that's my everyday.
I don't think we need to be on everyday for our kids, that being vulnerable, and funny, and happy and angry are healthy for our kids to know having similar emotions are acceptable for them to be healthy. I also think whatever we do for our kids, it's what we do for our kids. I work my ass off for my kids, I sacrifice family vacations to work harder for my kids... because when I sit down with myself I think if I can push myself a bit harder this year in a few years I will have more money or more time for my kids. But I know others who sacrifice other matters, sacrifice their jobs to be at home for their kids, to bake for them, to be at the front door when they arrive from school. Are lives aren't any different if anything they are similar, we are balancing in ways we see fit.
I know some awesome stay at home moms, and they rock beyond rock. They have good relationships with their husbands, they sew costumes for their kids, they balance where they can and they do it because it's what they want and need for their family. I could never be them and I envy what they have inside them to be able to be happy at home... and then they might turn to me and think I am so cool for balancing my lifestyle. But my life isn't cooler than theirs, I can't sew for crap and well I hate house cleaning like it's an illness. What we do doesn't make our kids happier or unhappy... it raises them with differences and appreciations.
I had an aunt who worked crazy hours because she owned a restaurant, her daughter never saw her and had whatever toy she wanted, her daughter also was never allowed to eat bread. I found bread overrated and I loved all the toys she had. When she would come to my house she would eat us out of fresh bread and really just wanted to play. I won't judge her life in comparison to mine, they just were different, I might have loved the idea of having her playroom but I don't think I grew up any less happy.
Are our children safe, healthy, fed and warm... are these not luxuries? What we do for them other than that are extras. I don't coddle my kids and enjoy bantering with my friends who also don't coddle about the mom at the park who still has to go down the slide with her 5 year old. But I know on the other side of the park is the mom who thinks I should be following my 2 year old up the stairs on the jungle gym... but they can think what they want, they can believe I am nuts, but I am doing the best version of me as a mom. And at the end of the day I know they are doing the best version of them.
We are raising kids, human beings, your girlfriend posted immaculate picture of her kids in completely posed wonderfulness... I am not compelled to call up my local photographer to take shots of my kids. My other girl friend throws the most impeccable birthday parties for her kids, I throw a fun family oriented gig, nothing crazy but if I wanted it that way I'd fork over the money to pay for it to be that way with a party planner. Our kids remember certain things, who knows what might make a permanent memory... but we do things for ourselves. To feel good about ourselves, to feel good about our contributions to our families lives... we go above and beyond because it fills a joy within ourselves. Now don't get me wrong don't spoil your kids... don't let them be rotten, don't let them be ungrateful, but figure that out without having to change all the fun things you want to do for them.
Remember you are human, let them see you be human, because if you are always the superhero who comes to their rescue and they never have a sucky lunch, they never go without one of the many items they ask from Santa Claus don't be surprised when they can't handle their despair when they don't get the girlfriend or boyfriend they want, when they don't get the job they want... remember your kid is today a kid, let them have fun but sooner than you know they'll be an adult and let them be prepared for what truths and realities come from that. That is honestly your happiest kid!
