I think I got lost where many women/mother's disappear to. I found myself in the abyss of not sureness. That place where you aren't sure what you are doing is of any interest to people, that the mundane collects all the creativity you have and hoards it deep inside your brain but refuses to let it go for others to see it.
It doesn't look the same on many people... actually it is the fact that it looks so different on so many women, which is why I was compelled to write about it.
We women do so much, we don't know how we get stuck with all the tasks we take on but sharing becomes far down on the totem pole. We clean, and cook, pay the bills, watch the kids, do fertility treatments, we try and get a better job, we try and get a degree and much more. And all in the attempt to just keep afloat we stop communicating and sharing.
I am guilty of just doing a social media dump of what I have been doing, here it's all out there for you all to see. But I am not talking to my best friends, not laughing and sharing, And clearly I am not writing down any of my experiences either.
I arrived in California confident that I was happy and had great friendships back home. Truth is I do, and I can only say that because being lost in my mundane mental hoarding, my friends have patiently stayed on the sidelines, expecting very little from me while I tread water. But then I ended up in Toronto again in January to which I found something... I clearly was missing the interactions of real conversations.
We go to work everyday, talk to our coworkers in superficial communication, we parent and have very simple conversations just to keep the day running on schedule, and so on. I am guilty of being at home working with my husband... we talk so much about simple things we don't get to share much as our feelings and thoughts as often as we can, also we know what each is doing on a daily basis there isn't much to learn from each other.
I just thought I would share it's OK to hide in the mundane, it's OK to go and find yourself or at least set the list of what you want and being in your head. But as some point coming out for a breath of fresh air and communication is truly what is needed.
And with that I plan to share, and welcome all the engaging conversations from this moment on.