How many minutes in the day do you hate your husband?

A story came out this week while Sarah Jessica Parker was doing press for her new film 'I don't know how she does it' was quoted saying that she keeps things sane by letting herself hate her husband for about 20 minutes a day... people were up in arms thinking this is a sign of a failing marriage and an unhealthy one.

I DISAGREE!

On any day of the week you can catch me and ask me how I feel about my husband and I will speak his praises, he's awesome, he's beyond helpful, he picks up the slack when I am being a turd... but I see him daily, he does little things that set me off and for that moment I want to blow up and I just vent for a few minutes.

And perhaps for about 20 minutes I might even hate the man who I am deeply madly in love with at most time. Does it mean we are destined to fail... on the contrary I actually think it might mean we will succeed!

Entering my 30s brought a new part of my social life, in our 20s all our friends started getting married, and now enters the time of our marriage where we are watching others around me getting a divorce. It's sad, I won't lie! I always wish my friends the best, but having to part ways with someone you loved so much can never be easy. But in the age of dating for eons and then marrying after and learning to cope with the stresses of life; I think people get the ideas of Happy Marriage mixed with love and passion.

I have heard of many people in our age group who move out of mommy and daddy's home to get into their newly marital home and as soon as the going gets tough and that moment you realise you hate your husband... it's like a light goes off to get up and bail. If you can't get past the Hate, well let's be honest your marriage is doomed anyways but can you let go off the Hate, did you even try? You loved for so long... can you hate for as long as you LOVED?


So if anyone ever asks me how do we work I say we have our great days and sometimes we might bicker like crazy, but we love each other, want growth and happiness for each other and we still have passion (this could be long and versed so I'll pass on sharing now)... but we might hate each other for a few minutes, sometimes we might even hate each other for the whole day because we are stubborn mules who want our way for a certain decision... but at the end of the day... We love each other so much!

I grew up in a household where fighting between parents never happened, but resentment infested their spirits and love, and like many people my age I come from a divorced home. But learning to fight it out like normal adults and learning to get over it... (like something I teach my daughters every day, she can hate what her sister might be doing but learning to accept her for who she is and how different she might be or how she sees something is nothing to stay angry about)... so I actually recommend you take a moment to praise the ones you love, accept their difference and love them and accept when you can stand them for that moment!

My husband and a friend of mine

~Cheers!

I am a mother to a child in school.....AAAAHHHHH!!!

Where do I begin, the excitement is palatable for me!

I am a secret nerd, back to school was never a big deal in my household as a child, I use to get hand me downs from my way older sister, and entered class with kids with new pens and pencils, crayons and funky pencil cases!

My mother never understood the fun that was school, she wasn't the first to be in line at the library or the book store... she liked that I was smart but had no idea how to encourage it. My eldest is smart... I know this sounds biast, but my eldest could sit from the tender age of 1 and read, colour or paint in large increments of time. Her gusto to learn is so endearing to me I want to feed and feed her little brain.

Getting her back to school stuff was far more entertaining and exciting for me than I could have ever imagined... I walked through the Business Depot saying "I am so excited, I am so excited!" I think my eldest enjoyed the aspect of me being happy for her, my poor husband on the other hand is slightly more emotional. Just yesterday he couldn't contain his emotions as she walked around the house with her new knapsack excited about getting on her school bus.

But I am a in sheer joy, I always anticipated the idea of being a mother to a child who would grow and flourish and I am relishing it like a kid in the candy store luckily for me! My poor husband will have to grow into that concept!

To vacation or not...

I use to go to Greece as a child a lot, actually very much alone!

While you are going to read the end of that sentence in a very bizarre manner, my parents would put me on a plane alone with supervision and send me off to see family over in Greece, doing it alone actually gave me a ton of independence. Never did I feel I needed to be in the company of others to feel safe, I felt safe with myself. But it's been 10 years since I last step foot on Greek soil and I am yearning to go back.

Was thinking about going back as a family unit, debating about the costs associated to take toddlers across the pond, plane tickets that are outstandingly high, car rental fees that are crazy (we have 4 people to move around a whole country) gas, food, souvenirs and some tours. We decided to postpone til the next baby arrives.

But the other day my husband sent me for a loop when he said why not go at it alone. It would be so nice to go, pregnant to see all my friends and family... so much has changed since the last time I swam in salt water, since I saw my cousins and now meet new additions to their families. But I am being guilt ridden, I have always wanted to take my husband to Greece, to show him all my favorite places in Athens, Sparta, my favorite beaches in Stoupa, cliff diving off rock beaches in Mani and well just drinking a Frappe at a platia in the middle of any city in Greece and being up swept by the culture.

Many wouldn't understand what I mean, but I always dreamt about the day returning to Greece to see my girls run through a platia with other kids whose parents are also enjoying their coffee! Teach my girls to swim in the Mediterranean like I first did, get them to be spoiled rotten by family who has only ever seen them in pictures, talked to them on the phone. Get them to meet my oldest friend, my friend Rania that I first met at the tender age of 8 and who also is expecting her first this month.

I long for small jaunts to Greece, I miss the feeling of being there even if it's for a few days, I hate how far it is, how I can't ever go and island hop because I have to much to do when I am there, too many people to see to much excitement to be missed. It will never be a destination vacation, like a home away from home for me.

So next week, I might wake up deciding to take myself onto a very long 8hr plane ride and be one with the wind and go, just go... but it won't happen if I can't stop eating at myself that I should be there with all my family!

Why I write and how to make life count....

It's a very exciting time in my house lately, we are preparing to send our first to her first year of school, but before I go into the anguish of getting ready for that (keeping it for another post); I figured I would explain when I became a writer/blogger!

I won't be lying to you to tell you I loved books from being a child, I won't feed you any bull about being a star pupil; on the contrary all my language classes I barely made do, I passed by the very little that I could, never read the required reading material and well hated the books that were ever assigned to us.

First book I read from front to back other than my attempted Babysitter Club books, which I am starting to think I never actually completed was The Catcher in the Rye, grade 10... I was coming into who I was and the books way of writing in a verbal tone was exactly something I could understand my teacher butchered it, she hated the hero and so she tried to paint the book ugly, which turned me off more about the English class attendance til grade 12.

I went to an all French school, and my Grade 12 English teacher was new to our school, in from an English school she didn't speak a word of French and her teaching style completely new, have way into the year she got us to start reading Handmaid's Tale... and she dissected the book like no one's business, perhaps it bored intensely some of the reading aficionados of my class who liked to get through a book in a week, but we went through every detail of the written word of that book for over 3 months. I read and read every detail of that book, I sat there during class dissecting along with her and was entranced by such a plausible story about birthing rights, slavery and a mother's place and her womb. It appears from the ripe age of 17 I knew being a MOM was a huge deal to me.

From that book I spiraled into some fiend... I wrote essays better than ever before, I appreciated what the written form could do and create and how it can cause a permanent reaction to those who might be reading it.

Now since reading Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood) I haven't really picked up much fiction, I am a bit of a self-help nerd. I believe it's from my great need for change, for being the best me, for creating the ultimate ideal in myself and those around me. And when I write I can't seem to do fiction either... it's not in me to do!

But I know a lot of teachers going back into their classrooms this upcoming week, I know some great teacher, have met some pretty crappy ones, but I owe my ability to put pen to paper, fingers to keyboard to the one and only Ms. Lily Dabby and if you ever do cross her path please tell her she changed someone life for the good... and remember to go and be someonelse's Ms. Dabby, because I read to my girls daily in hopes that they will love the written word, they love the world of communication and the continued pursuit of changing people with words to do better.

Thanks Ms. L. Dabby!

And Baby Makes 3 or is it 5...

I always am apologising for my lost in cyberspace MIA behaviour... this time I have good news. Here at Mommydoings we are happy to report that we are expecting our 3rd baby in our household.

While we are excited about where Mommydoings will be heading this year on the blog... my physical body will be growing in it's own direction as well.

Our brood is fairly excited and if you catch my girls for 5 seconds on my street they are excited to share with me that Mommy has a baby in her tummy! I think they want it to come out already but we aren't that far along.

So here's to the new part of me and the new part of the blog... growing list of items I might be looking at.

Enjoy! And congrats to me!

Cheers!~

Family Time: Movies in the Park

taking pics in the dark, flash too bright for little eyes

Summer doesn't come soon enough for me living here in Canada... I don't excel at winter activities, so when the summer rolls around I am even more hands on momma than the rest of the year. Try to find fun things to do as a family and make moments the girls can remember for a lifetime to come.

After a day filled with park visits, soccer games, street party meeting, we had scheduled in our calendar a movie in the local park! Planned for weeks, with permits acquired from our city hall, equipment on loan and a neighbourhood excited with the idea of giving our little park some evening action!

Our view of the film

We debated about taking the girls since they are in toddler/kindergarten ages and bedtime is early in our house... and it doesn't get dark til after 9pm... but we decided sometimes bedtime can be put at the waste-side for special moments. What we did do was have dinner, and then get ready for bed. We washed up, put on our PJs, prepped our warm milk in a sippy cups and strollered up and headed out to the screening. That way if someone needed to pass out they already were laying down in the stroller.

It was fun, families on blankets, a concession stand, a viewing of "The Fantastic Mr. Fox" in honour of the spotting of the Fox who has been trolling around in our city neighbourhood! We brought some popcorn we made at home, blankets to ward off the mosquitoes and our vigor to sit through our first full length film.

I loved this outdoor chandelier

It was nice... what do you do to bring fun into the family during the summer?

Verdict Not-Guilty: Casey Anthony Trial

When I became a mother, and would do 3 am breast feedings I was glued to CNN... my night was filled with Anderson Cooper, Lou Dobbs and Larry King. I was glued, a permanent fixture on my bed for hours being mesmerized by the newest American issues. As a Canadian it was interesting to learn how different judicial systems we had, how opinionated and honest the newscasters were.

A lot of emotions were had when the Virginia Tech happened, I was horribly emotionally attached, and then more and more items horribly made my insides cry, I would wake up wanting to hear if there were updates. The Elections came up after that, made the topics a bit lighter to take in, but in 2008 while breast feeding #2, I heard about this little 2 year old gone missing.

I had become glued, I had wanted to know if they would find her. The grandparents all up in arms, the mother not really caring and a police department that seemed a little confused at the situation.

And then they indited Casey Anthony, I won't lie I felt it made sense... it made perfect sense. Presumptuous perhaps, but here I am late night breast feeding, loving, providing, and caressing my child while this mother seemed unfazed by the reality that her daughter was gone, now this isn't some horrible teen, but a very very young child who wouldn't know if it was even OK to cross the street.

Then you have the grandmother questioning her daughter with her statements. Does this get any weirder? Here is the grandmother asking questions, I as a stranger would ask, but this grandmother was an active member in the child's life and all of a sudden the child isn't around, just up and disappeared!

Months had passed, breastfeeding had stopped in my house.., and I had to take stock in the reality that I get emotionally attached to these cases and am without ability to do anything. I heard the trial had started, I wanted to watch, but didn't want to sensationalise the situation any further in my deeply tarnished heart from what I had already heard. It was hard as my twitter feed occasionally had a mom tweet a small update here and there in disgust. So much had gone wrong and I was catching glimpses. And every day I reminded myself don't go on CNN, just don't!

Yesterday, July 5th, 2011 at 2:15 the State of Florida, and the Orange County had the jury come out to read the verdict. My twitter feed was on fire, I turned on my CNN! Not Guilty, a not-guilty verdict was issued for Manslaughter, a Not-guilty for Child Abuse. I will not lie, to me she is guilty. Whatever the occurrence of how this poor hopeless child met her fate, the mother was guilty for her careless actions. If she had starved her child and the child had died from starvation or dehydration should would have been charged, she would have been found guilty.

But we all watch enough CSI, Law & Order, Criminal Minds to know that your best bet to find a missing child is within the first 48hrs. So for this woman to keep up a front, go out drinking and dancing while her mother calls at night to ask where her granddaughter was... seems like negligence causing bodily harm/death. If one is drunk or high and crashes there car, they might not have had motive, may not even remember doing it, but will pay large amounts of time in jail for causing or perpetuating death without taking concern for their fellow man when getting behind the wheel of their car. Can we not say that not taking concern of your own child should warrant punishment if during your lax and ignorant stance on your child where-abouts which then causes them to die. Does no guilt fall on this behaviour?

I horribly feel that no justice was served today, verdicts yes, judicial system did it's job... blah blah blah.... but no justice. This horribly innocent 2 year old will be lost, her soul perhaps in peace, in heaven being coddled by Angels (at least this is my hope for her) will never get the justice for her life lost, for every child whose life is lost after hers that will never get the proper coverage for negligence of parenting!

Tonight there will be a vigil across the nations to keep your porch lights on for Caylee Anthony, to light her way home and let her know she was not forgotten in the show that was the trial for her justice. I will secretly grieve for her little body as my daughters have both passed the age of 2 and are beautiful and smart. I am reminded that this beauty will never get to be more than a Headline story.

Pushing through Me as Mom!

Lately I have been bombarded with comments and conversations about being Mom, being Social Mom and a Mom Blogger.

When did being pigeon-holed into a category make people feel the right to pass judgement, I read a blog about non-moms being the evil that the perils of being mom were misunderstood... but we're we moms not non-moms at one point in time. Then I read scathing twitter comments my most disturbing; "mom bloggers write blogs just so they can feel cool again." Best part it was from a fellow female. I don't understand this harbouring of resentment, I don't understand the lack of consideration in your fellow, human or even your fellow female.

I am a MOM, I may have worked in Editorial for a brief moment, been in the social circle before having kids, and please cool.... anyone even using the term can't really consider themselves cool! But when did a mom writing and sharing become so unattractive to those who don't have kids... why I ask, why do I care? Well because at one point in time some single living it up women will become the moms that they disparage in public forums.

I call it as it is, a huge amount of foot in mouth syndrome, where without taking precautions we speak without thinking. I take responsibility for the opinions I make, but I also like being called out on my shit, because I believe that owning up to offending people, learning from your lack of knowledge on a subject and just listening to an other's point of view makes me smarter and wiser on the subject may it reoccur in my life.

But most of all, I feel I have to defend my choice in parenthood, I wanted babies, I don't care that I worked in the most scathing industry that doesn't promote bearing children, I don't care that I have a social life that isn't very "mommy".... I don't like being pigeon-holed.... and believe that people do things for different reasons, it would be as I sitting here and commenting on why one doesn't have children, or moms who chose to stay home with their kids and don't leave their house... we do what "WE" want!

I do what I want... I want to stop feeling the need to defend my position. I want to be free of titles given to me by others, I want to be the funnest most outgoing mom, who does crafts with her girls, who goes swimming with them at the pool, who comes home and gets ready for a tweet-up or drinks with a girlfriend. Because I want to be me!

I tweeted this statement the other day; people assumed I was upset about something but I am just stating the obvious!

I am me, I am the best me I can be, I can't be you, you can't be me, there is only one of me!

Bethenny Frankel is beyond Mompreneur!

Have you heard of Bethenny Frankel? If not I might be concerned you've been living under a rock.

I first took notice of Bethenny when she appeared on the Apprentice Martha Stewart, she was a fast talking New Yorker. I was single then and she represented everything I ever wanted for myself... go-getting in the biggest city in the world. My life led me in a different direction, but then I hadn't seen Bethenny on my screen for years.

Then the Real Housewives Series started and the New York version started and she appeared on my screen all over again. Here I was watching her unfold her whole life on TV for the audience to watch and see so much about her. But we started to watch her grow this company called Skinny Girl.

Now you might say well I don't watch reality TV, but it doesn't matter... she now is making waves on the cover of Forbes for her business savvy. Because not only did she grow her Skinny Girl product, it's going to grow and be a money maker. Best part as a female is that she taught the licquor companies that Women are worth catering to in the spirits industry and not listening to us is suicide.

The Skinny Girl Margarita is hands down great... a mere 100 calories per serving, it touches to heart strings of the women not looking to gain weight but drink with the big boys, their girlfriends or even when they just need a drink alone! Guilt free... don't be mistaken, drinkers are concerned, head over to your closest local bar and ask the bartender what the most ask for drink from a female is and he will oblige with Vodka & Soda... but it isn't a fun drink. Trust me I've tried consuming it, not worth the effort! But that's the Diet girls drink of choice.

Finally in Canada (been in select US stores for a while now) we have options, and to help promote the Skinny Girl Margarita Bethenny chose to making appearances in Toronto and Vancouver. I wasn't going to miss out... here is a woman who is trying to balance a very lucrative business, motherhood and dealing with celebrity.

And Bethenny has come full circle for me, she is representing the newest dream I have for myself, Business woman with child (I have more than 1) but with perseverance to grow a business to make it successful and to never take no for an answer. She really inspires the new generation of women. It was a pleasure meeting her for multiple reasons, her smile infectious, her graciousness filled up the room.

Who is your business model? Who is your mom mentor?

Mother's Day!

Hope all you lovelies out there celebrated a great Mother's Day... Mine was remarkably quiet! We have been mending away sick toddlers and I got to take a nap and just veg out without many expectations from me.

While I appreciate today was all about me, I am greatly thankful of my husband because on a daily basis he is my team member in parenting and is the yin to my yang so that I can be the best mom I can be. I always am floored that 4 years ago I became a mom and then a mom to 2 with a blink of the eye.

It has been the best decision I ever took, one I was confident I could succeed in, one that I never look back wishing I hadn't done. On days I wish I had quiet and that my girls would just play nice without bickering about who held a toy longer over the other... but when those days actually arrive I feel I might suffer from empty nesting, so for now I am relishing the Lego's on my floor, the constant noise in my house and the unstoppable amount of hugs I get daily.

Hope you all had a great one!