Snow...

I live in the great North...

but I can never get use to the snow. 29 years later and every time I see a new blanket of snow I am in awe of the beauty and bothered that I have to go out there to get in my car, to put on my boots, gloves and whatever may entail on the inside of my wardrobe to keep me extra warm.

Just can't get use to this SNOW!

Working mom, struggles?

So I started a new job a few weeks ago!

Haven't been part of the working world for years, was dying to get back into the grind and apply myself and all of my talents to this great working world out there.

But who knew it would be far different than I had assumed for me and my little family; role reversal happened and my husband is at home with the girls far more than I am and well he's become Mr. Mom. I don't have any issues with that, actually I envisioned the day that this might actually be a reality... but I can't seem to balance. I get home so late... by the time we eat as a family and how late it is, my girls still aren't ready to sleep. Their days not as exhausting in the cold of winter, their time filled with large empty gaps and extra long naps recently, it's nearly MY bedtime and they are still up running circles around each other.

I am done, when I get to putting my eldest to bed, if I don't focus to stay awake I could find myself crashing and falling asleep beside her... which would be a nightmare as my alarm clock is in my actual bedroom.

I can't seem find to balance anything else with my time, no drinks with any friends, no workout with the elliptical machine that keeps me company in my family room and is seconds away from my couch... reality is I don't get a chance to make it on my couch to watch TV even; because I can't make it down the stairs from putting my daughter to bed.

I leave for work my girls still sleeping, I get home it's soon bedtime... how do you working mothers do it? Actually how do working father's do it? I feel contempt and guilt ridden, I feel like somehow there must be another way to work this out but I can't seem to be able to figure out what others might have mastered.

How do you cope?

Mmmmm Pork!

New Year's day is a big occasion in my family, since I was a little girl. The day before is the night to go out and enjoy the night and the festivities that might be of your interest but come the day of the New Year in our household it was always family day.

Since my mom had her aneurysm a few years doing the whole shebang would be much for her, we live coincidentally 2 minutes away from each other- so I took on the meat course of the day. Tired of Turkey, not feeling beef, fish not a New Year feast kind of meal and Lamb is an Easter dish in our household; I changed it up.

Pork Roast it was... we had looked to get a half Ham, because we had done it for a dinner with my in laws and both my husband and I were in love with the way it had come out. But no Ham at the grocery store the day before New Year's (insert great planning on behalf of my mother and I) and they (my husband and my mother went shopping together) found a 3lb. Pork Roast. It wasn't a cut of pork I have ever made before, no bone just a whole slab of pork.

So with a little finagling and research I concocted what might be my greatest meat dish to date... except I am still partial to my lamb chops. I made an apricot garlic maple syrup glazed pork with roasted Pears and Apples. (If you want the recipe message me!)

And it was DIVINE!!! My sister who is the worst food intolerant... yeah I said intolerant, she doesn't like to eat it, she doesn't like to see food sitting around and she definitely can't stand food touching each other on her plate asked me when I would be making it again.

Simply superb... simply to good not to have pork. I know there are tons of you out there who don't eat pork... but it was really that good.

What is your waist size?

Before the end of last year I had declared my ambitions to lose weight, that my self interest in being the best physical I could ever be in my adult life intrigues me. And with a new year that has started and listening to all the weight loss resolutions that are out there it's hard not to listen and attempt to filter out the junk that will only be good for short term changes and not long term goals.

If you know me I have a huge liking towards Dr. Oz, watched him while he was on Oprah every time I had a free Tuesday afternoon. But his first episode back into the new year he had a weight loss resolution, can you believe every year 80 million Americans declare some sort of weight loss resolution. Where do we all go wrong that we just can't get our acts together and stay a healthy weight. He tackled a medical couples fridge ( yeah fat doctor and his also heavy nurse wife... what does that say about the Health care system when even the doctors are considered clinically obese?), he had a work out routine, a success story and tricks to get you to lose weight but he said the most light bulb moment for me....

Your waist should not be more than half your height, if so that means you are OVERWEIGHT!! I am a mere 5'4" tall, not a tall woman, a fairly short but not short enough to be a petite person... thank goodness! After realising that that means my waist should not be any bigger than a 32" waist... I am no where near that. Not that I should strive 32, that's the max size my waist should ever be.

I think about where I went wrong in the comfort of my own shoes, how years of weight gain accumulated over years. This astronomical number as I see it, the highest non-pregnant weight recorded by me. Drastically unassuming, creeping up day by day, one less day of activity to where the days with activity became rarer and more far found.

Weight is a problem I never gave much merit, I generally was OK with myself... don't get that wrong; as a thinner person before I could see the weight accumulating the way my body was changing and the way it felt was not something I enjoyed. But I didn't let it define me, I was never taken by my weight gain or my fat.

Yeah I said it... my FAT! I know this word isn't liked much, I know people shy away from it, but any excess weight that I was accumulating was well... FAT. Fat pockets that only get larger, bigger or even enormous. Knowing that my years of stress have added to my belly weight in the most unhealthy manner and that not nipping it in the bud when I first started to see the signs of my weight gain has brought me somewhere that I don 't like, that I am truly bothered with.

I feel stuck in my rut, wondering what it will take to get the weight off, what it will take to deal with the reality that it won't happen tomorrow, that I can expect instant success that the process is slow but sweet, that it's a daily journey into really rediscovering my body and what it actually is suppose to look like as a healthy normal mother of 2 amidst of turning 30.

I know I am not the first or last person to deal with my weight loss issues, I know it won't change instantly and I am hoping that more will come from this route in self respect, because I obviously didn't respect my physical self enough to appreciate the poor skin that had stretched throughout the years, the organs that are probably laden in fat and their inability to function at full capacity because I wanted that extra piece of roast beef at dinner, that skor brownie at lunch, that extra scoop of mash potato.

Here is the first attempt to keep my self accountable... my weight is MY ISSUE, I NEED TO DEAL WITH IT! No more sweeping it under the rug, no more hanging it in the closet... I don't have space anymore for my weight problem... I am promising myself to deal with it. It just needs to be dealt with, not for anyone, not for my vanity, not for a pair of jeans; just the reality that it's an issue that I put aside for too long and it needs my attention.

My candor maybe too much, my honesty to bleak... but I promise to deal with it the most honest and realistic way to do so. No more hiding in my weight, my fat... time to be honest and get out of this---

New Year, new beginning...

Been a while since I posted, been a lot going on around these neck of the woods.

Can't believe the last decade has come and gone, really puts a time stamp on the relationship I have been in for the last 12 years, as being that for sure longer than a decade.

Got married, had 2 beautiful children, went to school, went to school again... watched the twin towers come down, got to visit the twin towers, my grandmother pass, a motorcycle accident and a trip to Mexico I vow to one day either redo or never mention ever again.

But as of late this mommy who stayed at home and worked on her very little jewelry business had landed herself a little job that I am utmost excited about and eagerly absorbing as much as the outdoor work world has to teach me.

I struggle with the obvious of leaving my children for hours on end, to spending very little with them when I am home... but experiencing the emotional freedom of being useful as a whole person, providing myself to the grand scheme of this thing we call life and as someone said really at the end of the day working is good for the soul.

My life is fairly a different situation no crazy party, no drinking binge... a lot of what was a parental night in with are kids nicely tucked into their beds, a small Australian bottle of sparkling wine and the countdown from Time Square on TV. My life isn't about the newest club scene or very long coffee dates with magazines in tow... I don't shop til the bank card is empty and well, I really don't shop for myself much anymore.

But what I learnt this last month into transition into what might be a new year to come with hopes and dreams, and things I look forward to making my reality... is that a decade is not that long, it really can go by and not doing, being or attempting to persevere and hold forth in my personal well being and good health - I only do myself a disservice. So for the next decade to come I am looking to myself, to my gut, my heart and my head to make decisions that I only feel best interest me and my family... that within me I am driven by my wants and needs of life and that I can truly do what I dream of doing.

Resolutions to many to list at the moment... but when I put forth getting some of them accomplished or off the ground I will share... promise!!

So I ask what are your resolutions?

29

Ohhhhh 29!!!

I have been anticipating your arrival for the last while, I was awaiting the ability to get rid of 28. 28 came in with a bang, a night of high spending and lavishness to a year that was marred with broken bones, dwindling bank accounts and well not much else to say.

My girls just kept getting bigger, my sleep less and less and my time for my self non existant. I don't know what hold on me 28 had but it was one of meakness, with disregard and no self control to get myself out of my looped perverse notions of what was going on around me.

Not a twisted mind as it might read, but I suffered from severe rut for the last year, and it was a rut that wouldn't be easy to climb out of. But 29 has been here 5 days and so far so good. I feel renewed!

I am a numerological nerd too... and 29 is a year 11 or should I say 2; and that means this is a year for personal change for me, and change from the last year is exactly what the doctor ordered.

I have already seen the change, the mood, the enthusiasm! I have seen the gusto, the perseverance and the drive. And I am truly loving the self evaluation and confidence.... and I smile at their arrival. Where years of being an emotional pushover and tending to others whims and wants I somehow rightfully know my place and my self worth. I embraced my empoweredness and really smile at the life that is ahead of me with humility and grace. Because 29 might be the half of 58, it might be shy of 30 but to me it's 29 years of growth, 29 years of moments that will not define me but be lessons to how I am better and stronger than ever before.

I turned 16, 18, 19, 21, 25 and never felt excited! All those milestones came and went, all those moments of things I can or cannot do just really didn't seem to please me, they never made me feel better or worse about the life I had and they never said things would be different because of them. But 29 speaks volumes... a mom of 2 with confidence and drive! You don't get that when you get your drivers license, you don't get that when you can play the lotto or vote, not when you can legally get alcohol, when you know you can drive south and drink anywhere in the world or when turning the true age of adulthood. I look back and mock those years and what people have touted them as so grand or wonderful.

I am 29, so proud, so illustrious.... and let me tell you looking forward to the big 30; but for now I am going to soak in 29 and take in all the wonderful it has in store for me. 29 bring it ON!~

Sleep, what's that?

The title says it all... my nights are restless and are going to get worse. I am not one of those people who needs a full night sleep every night, who would rather sleep in than anything else... on the complete opposite... I strive on little sleep... I am never really tired and well I like to stay up late hours.

But I can't keep my youngest out of my bed and because of it, I no longer sleep in it. I chose not to sleep in it because I am the lightest of sleepers as is my daughter, I can not have her touching me, talking to me or crying beside me and fall asleep as my husband does. I need quiet and peace to fall asleep and stay that way. Snoring has become something my body won't allow me to ignore if awake but can tolerate once sleeping. My light sleeper though can't have me moving her when she is kicking me in the ribs or caressing my arm or any other form of skin she can find under the covers.

So I get up, and out of my bed head over to my knocked out hard daughter who doesn't realise her sister was wailing beside her in the crib next to her. So sleep has become a luxury I don't get... which is why we invest in socks (LOL)! I am looking forward to sleep again one day.

A new luxury...

It's cold outside here, winter feels like it might have come early here.

Winter evokes thoughts of cocoa, throw blankets, warm fires, spiced baked goods... and cold feet. I don't own a pair of boots that I care to own, I never buy a new pair because it doesn't matter the fashion trends of the year they all remind me of witches shoes. So low flung running shoes and high heels with openings are usually my shoes of choice.

But that wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't sock less... yes you read that right without socks I like to roam, snow, sleet, and slush; if you ever had the chance to share in my presence you too would know I am the most anti-sock human being you'll ever meet. But this week I did the unthinkable for myself... I bought socks!!!

Socks are important in my household, my daughters are like I; they don't care to wear socks while roaming the house, we may have slippers on but no socks. Socks is something that goes on just before the shoes do to go outside. I have to buck up and be the bigger person and wear socks as I find them cumbersome and suffocating if you can believe it; and for reasoning with my children to get their socks on it would help if when they look down they notice that mommy is wearing socks just like daddy does.

So for this first winter I will not be walking around sock less in my Pumas, I will be wearing.... prepare yourself, LUXURIOUS SOCKS.

Well they say go big or go home, if I have to put these awful one hole tubes on my feet, cover my already warm feet so they get over heated in any material this won't be the kind of socks that come out of a bag of 12 or 20 pairs, they won't be cheap or bought on the fly. They aren't socks they are luxurious socks, they even have a special tag that marks them this way, made with angora and cashmere, softer than cotton balls... sparkly with bows, like a fine sweater, a texture that evokes warmth and goodness.

4 pairs in total were purchased, a beautiful camel coloured pair of Liz Clairborne socks with a speckled sparkle that is most likely woven in the yarn and a great little velvet bow, a fantastic

oatmeal coloured Ellen Tracy (2 luxury labels adorn these) with a fantastic ribbing and an angora and cashmere blend that is to die for... and a set of knee highs that are slightly reminding me of a friend I had in high school who you couldn't get out of dresses and knee highs, that are black anti-bacterial and made of bamboo... love fashion ingenuity and that I had learnt about the newness of bamboo over 4 years ago and that it finally has trickled down to the most mundane of socks.

So if you see me walk down the street and I have a different step, a little more bounce and a warm smile... it's because my feet are in a chalet in the Poconos, enjoying the snow from a fireplace crackle filled room, sipping on hot cocoa with marshmallows while Perry Como is playing in the background. Smile with me... what is the last luxurious item you bought yourself?

December!!!!!!!

December is the craziest month in our household... not just because we are decorating and having people over. It's our everything month.

Both M & I are Sagittarius', meaning we have our birthdays just days apart... but a great deal of our closest friends are also Sags. We have our parties to think about, everyone else's birthdays to think about, Christmas parties, Christmas related events... and the list goes on and on.

I love December but because of the hustle and bustle of this month, Christmas wanes in the background not getting the attention it highly deserves and really falls down my totem poll of favorite holidays because I just plain don't enjoy it. I enjoy the side bits... making cookies, baking, decorating, the trees, the shopping... when do I ever not enjoy the shopping; but when the day finally rolls around I am not feeling festive or enjoying the day as much as I would love to.

This year I turn a big ol 29.... one more year and I will have hit 30, a leap into completely adulthood, a milestone as any. If you know you mean that is a year I plan on making this largest splash and am working towards it. You can follow that portion along at http://www.runningfor30.blogspot.com/

Usually though for our birthdays since they are a whole 3 days apart we usually throw a birthday party together, invite all of our closest friends to our house, have drinks and hors d'oeuvres and just have a good time of it. Last year we went out to a "local"spot and payed for the drinks and having been feeling the sting since. We are in full on debate mode here about what is to be done this year... I'd rather to go somewhere on King St. and have a night of it, M disagrees because he wants to be able to have intimate conversation and stuff. So who knows what we'll do.

For those who are feeling festive I found a printable calendar in case you wanted something more festive to put up maybe make the little kiddies colour it and then hang it on the fridge with things marked down to do... I am going to be doing so this evening. Let me know what you are looking forward to this December.

Friends...

Ever since having my girls outings for me have become a distant memory. Getting all done up a luxury far beyond my realm, late nights an immeasurable distance, dates a word that doesn't pass my lips and friends well to hard to schedule hectic lives.

Don't get me wrong, none of this a complaint. I have been my biggest advocate in my ever growing family... my brood grown so quickly others heads spin, while M and I try and get a footing and have our own personal normal.

During the last couple of days I have experienced the joys that are my friends... girlfriends from my high school years came over with their significant others and a baby in tow. A lot has changed, experiences, area codes and life circumstances; but you know you are so excited when even in silence and moments of no talking you know this is the only place you want to be right now. That with all the days of no talking, the missed life moments no words need to describe how close we were and how we will always be.

Today I had another friend visit from a neighbour friend... someone you saw almost daily for other reasons from school, you don't share mutual friends and moving away is always something that tears you apart. But late nights sitting on a porch, stories that no one else understands, laughing about neighbourhood memories, kids at the park and things that we did in the part of the city we lived in.

Friends are great and for me a rare commodity I really can't get enough of. Being a mommy has put a strain on my schedule which has affected the times I get to share with friends... but when those moments come, when you get to share even the great moment of silence, you know that the person sitting in front of you only has your best interest at hand, only cares about you... not what you do, where you live or what you've acquired in your life time. I am lucky to call these people in my life my friends, hope you get to cherish your friends too- perhaps today is the day to do so. Call them up just to talk non-sense... reminding you and them that your friendship is made on a mutual bond of just caring.