Before the end of last year I had declared my ambitions to lose weight, that my self interest in being the best physical I could ever be in my adult life intrigues me. And with a new year that has started and listening to all the weight loss resolutions that are out there it's hard not to listen and attempt to filter out the junk that will only be good for short term changes and not long term goals. If you know me I have a huge liking towards Dr. Oz, watched him while he was on Oprah every time I had a free Tuesday afternoon. But his first episode back into the new year he had a weight loss resolution, can you believe every year 80 million Americans declare some sort of weight loss resolution. Where do we all go wrong that we just can't get our acts together and stay a healthy weight. He tackled a medical couples fridge ( yeah fat doctor and his also heavy nurse wife... what does that say about the Health care system when even the doctors are considered clinically obese?), he had a work out routine, a success story and tricks to get you to lose weight but he said the most light bulb moment for me....
Your waist should not be more than half your height, if so that means you are OVERWEIGHT!! I am a mere 5'4" tall, not a tall woman, a fairly short but not short enough to be a petite person... thank goodness! After realising that that means my waist should not be any bigger than a 32" waist... I am no where near that. Not that I should strive 32, that's the max size my waist should ever be.
I think about where I went wrong in the comfort of my own shoes, how years of weight gain accumulated over years. This astronomical number as I see it, the highest non-pregnant weight recorded by me. Drastically unassuming, creeping up day by day, one less day of activity to where the days with activity became rarer and more far found.
Weight is a problem I never gave much merit, I generally was OK with myself... don't get that wrong; as a thinner person before I could see the weight accumulating the way my body was changing and the way it felt was not something I enjoyed. But I didn't let it define me, I was never taken by my weight gain or my fat.
Yeah I said it... my FAT! I know this word isn't liked much, I know people shy away from it, but any excess weight that I was accumulating was well... FAT. Fat pockets that only get larger, bigger or even enormous. Knowing that my years of stress have added to my belly weight in the most unhealthy manner and that not nipping it in the bud when I first started to see the signs of my weight gain has brought me somewhere that I don 't like, that I am truly bothered with.
I feel stuck in my rut, wondering what it will take to get the weight off, what it will take to deal with the reality that it won't happen tomorrow, that I can expect instant success that the process is slow but sweet, that it's a daily journey into really rediscovering my body and what it actually is suppose to look like as a healthy normal mother of 2 amidst of turning 30.
I know I am not the first or last person to deal with my weight loss issues, I know it won't change instantly and I am hoping that more will come from this route in self respect, because I obviously didn't respect my physical self enough to appreciate the poor skin that had stretched throughout the years, the organs that are probably laden in fat and their inability to function at full capacity because I wanted that extra piece of roast beef at dinner, that skor brownie at lunch, that extra scoop of mash potato.
Here is the first attempt to keep my self accountable... my weight is MY ISSUE, I NEED TO DEAL WITH IT! No more sweeping it under the rug, no more hanging it in the closet... I don't have space anymore for my weight problem... I am promising myself to deal with it. It just needs to be dealt with, not for anyone, not for my vanity, not for a pair of jeans; just the reality that it's an issue that I put aside for too long and it needs my attention.
My candor maybe too much, my honesty to bleak... but I promise to deal with it the most honest and realistic way to do so. No more hiding in my weight, my fat... time to be honest and get out of this---
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