I am a people pleaser.... not sure why or how I became one; probably some ill fated school bus ride as a child where I got mocked for something I did. But I am a people pleaser to a sick degree.
I use to fret confrontation, would do everything asked of me to avoid anyone disapproving of me, saying something poorly of me or even the idea of someone being mad at me made me cringe. If my father even remotely raised his voice at me, all he'd have to say was my name and I would be frantic in tears at the idea of what might come afterwards.... nothing much but I hated the idea he was so mad at me.
Almost 30 and I still hate the idea of someone being mad at me... working on getting past the idea that I did anything wrong. Trying to believe that it is not I who is to blame always, that sometimes things are inevitable. A couple years ago, before I had kids I tried to get a job and after 100 resumes sent 2 interviews and no job offer, the rejection got to me so badly that I tailspin into a slight depression of my rejection.
I don't do well if you don't like me... I don't do well if I can't make you like me.... and I don't understand well how you couldn't like me. Let's not even delve into my silliness of high school dating where not getting the attention of the boy of my interest drove me mental. I just need to be liked!
I am learning slowly that not all people get along, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, does not mean I should and chances are that others aren't going to do the same for me. I don't need to please everyone I just need to feel pleased with my actions and what I brought to the situation and experience. It has become a daily task in feeling worthy and that my self worth is more than what I allow people to allocate it.
My sister calls this trait weakness, that I give off meek and timid when I behave this way... but really I am in control... I am trying to control the idea that people don't like me. I am now letting go of that control, which in return is making me feel bitchier, colder and more careless- but as I said I can't please everyone.
How do you handle people not liking you?
oh angie, i completely understand! i, too, am a people pleaser. i am currently dealing with a few people at work who have misplaced animoisty towards me and it just frustrates the crud out of me. my husband tells me to just get over it and who cares what they think. but, to people like us, we care. i'm not writing because i have the magic answer of how to deal, only to tell you you aren't alone out there!
ReplyDeleteOhhhh it means a lot to me, people don't understand the people pleaser, while others are quick to disregard the person who dislikes us, we are looking for ways to fix it. It's a vicious cycle if you ask me. Thanks for letting me know I am not alone.
ReplyDeleteI am the same as you, a people pleaser to the end as well as a perfectionista. It REALLY tremendously upsets me when people don't like me, I pretend to shrug it off, blah blah, but really I'm wondering WHY? lol
ReplyDeleteI know that feeling... it's something that someone who isn't a people pleaser will never understand.
ReplyDeleteIt's a daily task for me to remind myself that I have to not let others get to me... but for the fact that I can't please everyone! And somehow, I do think we are the same too!!