Daily, I work and work on my personal self growth... everyday it's a work in progress.When I began this blog it somehow became this idea of growth, that working on writing about my daily activities would compass watching myself move in various directions, nothing strict and to follow.... not a blog about what my family is doing, but what a mommy is doing.... and mostly what is happening in her psyche as much as in her daily life.
I read my posts over again to read it as a reader not the writer and I see and perhaps notice what you all might be noticing that there is plenty... even an abundant amount of posts about who I am and what I am doing to become the best me I can be.
Somewhere in the transition from love stricken teenage girl, to married woman and then mother... I think I lost a part of myself. Not sure how it happened or why, not looking to lay blame on anything that happened... but realising that somehow I let go of the visions and ideas I had of myself. And slowly I am re-finding those ideals... those images of myself coming back slowly.
I see that myself had pretended to feel uncomfortable in certain situations, that I behaved as if somethings weren't for me... I was becoming wife, mom and adult.... but patueyy.... being all those is knowing who you are and not caring what others think, loving yourself and providing your authentic self with the more that you add throughout the years.
I was reading a blog earlier today....something of a classic blog... and imagery of things that felt like home, a floral pattern, a colour combination---- things that might not fit the mold, that are of trend and clean or modern. But uniquely something that I loved to look at something that felt more to my liking and less well... to the norm.
I am not the NORM... don't know what ever possessed me to want to be. I have grandeur thoughts, I am not the average housewife (I've tried it doesn't fit me well that role), I am not the average mommy either (but my daughters are pretty smart and very happy- so I don't care if I don't fit that norm at all) and well I will never be an average 9-5 girl and should stop trying to fit into that mold.
What was once lost.... my personal identification of myself, now is found!!!
I think that's what a lot of growing up is... losing and re-finding yourself. Congrats :)
ReplyDeleteThanks... I think that is what parenthood has become for me... I wouldn't want my girls to be anything but themselves, and how can I be a good example if I don't show the example. It really is a daily task... thanks for following!
ReplyDeleteAng