"Sometimes it is not enough to do our best, we must do what is required-"
Winston Churchill
Tonight as I was laying in bed with my daughter she had a revelation that she won't be using my phone for the next week because she and her sister got in trouble for 2 separate things. They get to use my phone to play the uploaded games, lately it's Subway Surfer they play and have been excited to have won a new character.
But as she was sitting there, I said the most annoying thing I think I have ever uttered. "Well why don't you do something really good in the morning and you can get to play on the phone again?"
And a plethora of thoughts started running through my head about parenting as of late. I hate parenting in the years 2000. Really I do. I hate hearing that my kid will moved ahead if they do put effort or don`t in school. That if I scold them to hard I am deemed to psycho mom. If my expectations are too high then I am causing undue pressure.
But as I said why not do something good to get to use the phone again, I felt like I just cheapened my daughters adulthood by tenfold. Now I am horrifically guilty of using the reward system as a bargaining chip to my favor. Do this for candy, do that for a new Lalaloopsy, do this for this and for that. Never did it phase me until the other day I turned to my elder daughters and said to them, we are a family and that means we are a team. If we work together we get more done. So why do I need to be bargaining to have them to do something. At school they get stamps and stickers for good behaviour, they get presents or snacks for doing something I want them to do.
But when is too much, too much? Why am I telling my daughter to do something that she might not have automatically done, it feels like a version of little kid prostitution. "Hi honey, do something mommy wants but you might not want to and I will reward you for doing so." Why reward? Why ask for good behaviour? This feels like a disaster waiting to happen. I am setting up my daughters to think they need to do stuff to get stuff in return. This is not the daughters I want to raise. I don't want them to think that they should do things for their boyfriends, their husbands, their bosses, their friends or anyone else to get stuff they want.
I think the mentality of things are only given to those who complete tasks or wants of other cheapens our society as a whole, it definitely cheapens our children's core value system. They need not be the prostitutes of our generation.
My girls are feisty and bossy. I don't pigeon whole the word. They can be bossy and they know it. I said to them the other day, "you are very good at being bossy, that's great, now it's time to also practice being a good team player." I want them to hold their own and not be wallflowers. I want them to command the room like their mother did, I want them to be independent and smart, I want them to be in control of their decisions and not to fall to peer pressure. I don't see how the reward system will yield the girls I want to raise.
I don't want to prostitute my girls core values and personal self beliefs into you are only as good as the reward you get from your behaviour. They are good people, because it is who they are, it's their value system they are protecting, fostering... they don't need anyone to pander to, they don't need a rich boyfriend to feel self value, they don't need to be constantly rewarded for being a good person. Because people who do will never do good for others that won't be able to reward them back.
So reward system is partially being removed from our house... because I want to raise just plain old Good girls!
~Cheers!
*this to me applies to girls and to boys equally*
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