Taking deep breaths!

People always ask how it is to be a parent of many children... while I usually feel like saying it is just what it is; I understand that our lifestyle/household isn't the norm.

So most people don't have 4 kids. So most people who have 4 kids don't live in a home in a downtown core with limited space. But I don't deem my life any different than those with 1 kid or 2. The only truth I know is I relish my deep breaths.

I know my moments of quiet are limited and I have documented that sleep is something I tend to sacrifice for sanity or work. And many will say better sleep equals more sanity but it doesn't feel that way much lately. There are many moments in the last year when sanity seemed fleeting but when I could sneak in a pause, a deep breath... I enjoyed every millisecond in it.

Life is short, it isn't an understatement. You need to look, take a deep look, and appreciate your kids at the age they are, the clean counter while it's clean, the smell of baby skin, the sound of that cackling giggle coming out of your child. Just let it seep in with your breath, feel it in your pores, absorb it in with all 5 senses.

And I promise for that moment, that breath you are exactly the same as the girl without a care in the world but your life is slightly more full. Filled with people, filled with noise, filled with love.

Be the Change!!!!!

I rarely post about celebrity on here. While I like to take a position of all moms are equals, celebrity doesn't have it any different. They are solely responsible for raising their kid as they see fit... if they fail or succeed its really up to them. Just like it is for us.

Juggling parenthood is hard. Being a mom to 4 kids is hard. And I appreciate when I get help. Actually help isn't the word I like to use to describe my husband's relationship to me and parenting. We co-parent. We both are equally involved... we both take on an equal amount of responsibility.

But the world we live in doesn't foster co-parenting. I have girls and the older they get it solely becomes my responsibility to take them to public washrooms. I never realised I was solely responsible for changing table duties until Ashton Kutcher pointed it out on his Facebook.

Men are equal partners in the parenting relationships... they deserve ease in this. Now before you get all why should it be easy for men... because we as women deserve a break and its easier to get a break when men don't feel defeated being out with their babies.

Children and parents are the catalyst of the future. Stick by me here I am not going to get preachy. When parents of kids feel like integral parts of the big picture, they are welcomed with open arms and not seen as the breeders of snotty, germy noise makers. "Why do they allow kids on planes, trains or elevators?"--- are you one of these douches? These kids you might not want to share air space with could be your future employee, student, or even your doctor.

Isn't it best that the parent raising them feel ease with taking their kids out so they can go home and stay confidently in good spirits so they can foster good kids who eventually become good people. So I commend Ashton Kutcher and encourage all public male washrooms come fully equipped with change tables.

Mommy Monday: The Good Girl Prostitute.

"Sometimes it is not enough to do our best, we must do what is required-" 

Winston Churchill

Tonight as I was laying in bed with my daughter she had a revelation that she won't be using my phone for the next week because she and her sister got in trouble for 2 separate things. They get to use my phone to play the uploaded games, lately it's Subway Surfer they play and have been excited to have won a new character.

But as she was sitting there, I said the most annoying thing I think I have ever uttered. "Well why don't you do something really good in the morning and you can get to play on the phone again?"

And a plethora of thoughts started running through my head about parenting as of late. I hate parenting in the years 2000. Really I do. I hate hearing that my kid will moved ahead if they do put effort or don`t in school. That if I scold them to hard I am deemed to psycho mom. If my expectations are too high then I am causing undue pressure.

But as I said why not do something good to get to use the phone again, I felt like I just cheapened my daughters adulthood by tenfold. Now I am horrifically guilty of using the reward system as a bargaining chip to my favor. Do this for candy, do that for a new Lalaloopsy, do this for this and for that. Never did it phase me until the other day I turned to my elder daughters and said to them, we are a family and that means we are a team. If we work together we get more done. So why do I need to be bargaining to have them to do something. At school they get stamps and stickers for good behaviour, they get presents or snacks for doing something I want them to do.

But when is too much, too much? Why am I telling my daughter to do something that she might not have automatically done, it feels like a version of little kid prostitution. "Hi honey, do something mommy wants but you might not want to and I will reward you for doing so." Why reward? Why ask for good behaviour? This feels like a disaster waiting to happen. I am setting up my daughters to think they need to do stuff to get stuff in return. This is not the daughters I want to raise. I don't want them to think that they should do things for their boyfriends, their husbands, their bosses, their friends or anyone else to get stuff they want.

I think the mentality of things are only given to those who complete tasks or wants of other cheapens our society as a whole, it definitely cheapens our children's core value system. They need not be the prostitutes of our generation.

My girls are feisty and bossy. I don't pigeon whole the word. They can be bossy and they know it. I said to them the other day, "you are very good at being bossy, that's great, now it's time to also practice being a good team player." I want them to hold their own and not be wallflowers. I want them to command the room like their mother did, I want them to be independent and smart, I want them to be in control of their decisions and not to fall to peer pressure. I don't see how the reward system will yield the girls I want to raise.

I don't want to prostitute my girls core values and personal self beliefs into you are only as good as the reward you get from your behaviour. They are good people, because it is who they are, it's their value system they are protecting, fostering... they don't need anyone to pander to, they don't need a rich boyfriend to feel self value, they don't need to be constantly rewarded for being a good person. Because people who do will never do good for others that won't be able to reward them back.

So reward system is partially being removed from our house... because I want to raise just plain old Good girls!

~Cheers!

*this to me applies to girls and to boys equally*

Counting your successes!

 

I decided to get pregnant with my eldest in 2006, my mom had been extremely sick and it was a decision I didn't take lightly. I had given up a really great job opportunity for a paid internship in NYC to be by my mom's side and the jarring ideas of it could have been her last conversations with her, I was compelled to have my first child.
 

2 children later, I was consumed with being a mom and anything and everything career wise had taken a huge backseat. It ate at my soul, I wasn't good at being a stay at home mom, actually I'd even say my husband could have been a better stay at home parent. I was unsatisfied, unhappy and feeling generally unsuccessful.

My first day as a mom

But there is something that having children and wanting to raise them to follow their dreams does to a mom... It makes you a success seeker. I kid you not! I have had many conversations with various moms who all attest to being propelled into finding a passion and being more in their community, their business or their personal entrepreneurial journeys than they could have ever imagined previously to child bearing.

There is a measure to success moms' feel when their kid comes home with good grades, trophy after a game, speaking a second language fluently... but deep in your heart you know that success is your child's. But I forgot how awesome the feeling it was to measure personal career goals... like the highs you felt in High School when you received a perfect mark, when you hit a milestone with your girlfriends (first to get their driver's license, first to get their ID to drink.) You hit your 20s and forget how those personal successes feel... But then you become a mom and it's as if your sense of heightened awareness kicks in.

You want to push harder when you are doing reps at the gym...

You want to create your own business and mold it and fold it to grow...

You want to hit more sales, more leads, more income...

You might even want to accomplish decorating a cake, cooking like Julia Child...

But you enjoy counting your successes.

You understand how hard it is to push yourself and you appreciate yourself more. Why because not only did you do it, did you give 120% of yourself to get it done (because you genuinely enjoy giving it your all, all of a sudden) but you can pat yourself on the back that you got it done while balancing a household. You did while trying to be a kickass mom. You did while being tugged in 10 different directions. Sure you could have done all these items equally well single, childless but it would have been easy and you wouldn't have given it much thought.



Me working back stage after our first runway show.

But now you get to relish in every detail of it all. You get to sit back and your coffee tastes a bit better, that glass of wine is far enjoyable... because you earned it. You are a success. Tomorrow you might wake up frustrated with something, anything, everything... but today you are awesome.

Count it, relish in it... it's important to count your successes!