Mother shame!

When I still shared without pause.
The age of the Internet has changed the way mother's can feel shameful of themselves.

Hard to compete with the moms on Pinterest, Twitter, Blogs and Facebook. Moms making the perfect breakfast, perfect birthday cakes, their kids look like they fell of the screen of the Gap page on the Internet.

But being a mom I feel has shamed mothers also into the quiet abyss.

I wrote about how I am an open book and don't understand why other's would see this open cave of fearlessness that just shares and shares as a negative.

But as of late, I have found myself not sharing half as much, almost as if I have personally silenced myself and I am feeling so uncomfortable. I hate being uncomfortable in a decision that I have taken. I decided to keep my realities to myself for a bunch of reasons...

1. I hate that people feel I am being boastful when I am sharing good news, great new or fun news. I am not trying to shove my happy news in your face, it just happens to be my news.

2. I don't like the negative opinions on news that is my news. I can't change what is happening in my life or in the order it is falling into place, why does everyone feel they have the right to enlighten me with their much better understanding of my life.

3. If you aren't going to be happy or kind, I really don't care if you know what is happening around my house.

I guess I have been emotional and have had a lot to think about. I always tell people it's an eye opener starting your own business. While some people are exceptionally happy for you, they are on your team, they are encouraging, some people you didn't even know really genuinely care about you. But some people you think are your friends, you think would be excited start questioning your decisions.

It's not that I am doing something crazy and I know that some people will are just reflecting their self talk towards me, I know they don't mean harm or malice. But starting a business is hard enough that you don't need naysayers messing up further the thoughts you have about how hard such a new endeavour can be.

You feel this way about mothers too... so your kids don't eat pasta, some mothers will practically crucify you for a decision you take on. Your choose to put your kid in a program or not put them in a program and everyone and their mother has an opinion that you did something horribly wrong to ruin your child from now till eternity.

So I find I just don't feel like sharing because, in my 33+ years, I think I am old enough to make logical decisions, with my 3rd daughter I think I am entitled to know how to parent, I do have 2 other children who one are still alive and two, are thriving.

I sat with a mom friend weeks ago and discussed how this year I will stop excusing myself, a part of my people pleasing problems. I excuse myself all the time for the fact that I can't do something because of the kids, excuse my the fact that I had to throw a pony tail as a hair style because doing fancy hair didn't fit in my busy schedule... I am just tired of excusing my life. My life isn't a mistake, I am no longer going to allow myself to feel shame about the way my cards have been dealt. I don't feel about how things are, why should I do so, so that I can seem like I care what you think.

Now, I am not looking for a monumental excuse to get people to say oh so nice things to me, but remember that people are struggling within themselves daily to make a good product, do a good job, raise decent children, if they do a good job tell them (it really is appreciated) and before you lay your judgement on their choices remember they might have struggled with their own eternal voices to try and push harder and be more than they are.

Let us stop shaming of our fellow friends and neighbours, instead share in their joys and encourage them to be great.

2 comments

  1. Reminds me of the quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." We all face life in our own way; it is not up to us to criticize the path of others, but to support them on their way.

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  2. Exactly my friend... it's funny though the amplification social media has made for the shame or the hate to happen. It's constant and frequent and quick. Everyone has some battle, everyone will celebrate different milestones, we should encourage everyone's differences and engaging in being a supportive society period. But that quote is dead on.

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