Talking, Walking and Thought Process!!

I don't know what happens to me, what takes over my psyche and self doubt creeps in and takes hold to my thought process.

As you know, I am working on my personal walk thru The Happiness Project... it is for this reason I do so. It's for my personal search to figure out what takes over in my head, where it comes from and how to stop it or at least control it.

Wouldn't fathom to tell you it's voices (that thought makes me think of 1950's straight jackets) but it's more like an eternal dialogue that somehow plays itself out... it's like I know better, I want more I just can't get there. I keep trying but persevering to complete a task to feel an inner confidence about the decision and not reevaluating before it even gets off the ground.

I know I am capable... I have had that conversation with myself. Can I do this? Yes! Am I capable of doing the work this requires? Yes! Am I worth the results this can bring forth? Of course! What do you have to lose in trying your hardest and possibly succeeding? Nothing!! So then why don't you just do it? I DON"T KNOW!

This is a constant conversation in my head--- has been for years. Why don't you send that resume to a position you like? Why don't you pursue this? Why not this? Why is that? Why, why, why?????

I try and assume it's rearing... I always blame things on rearing... LOL! But my father was great at some things, he had no boys, staunch conservative and old fashion Greek man with no sons made his daughters to feel nothing but equality sex wise. I am no less than any man. And if you have ever been in a social setting with me you know this... hold my own no problem, any conversation I can partake in, no man intimidates me (this is probably why the majority of my friends in H.S. were guys)

But somewhere my self belief in the world as a whole gets lost... they say people fear success! How is that possible? I try and see myself like that, do you fear being successful? NO it's what I want.

I just had a light bulb moment as I typed to you all... love the cathartic relationship blogging has brought to me. I am not scared of success, I fear failure! I fear about going out there trying hard and coming back empty handed... but that is not good! I look forward to walking myself through that, acknowledging this feeling, this thought process and believe that life is about all the things you try and succeed and the ones you try and learn from your lack of success!

Time to relish the moments that life has to offer!~

2 comments

  1. Thanks for your honesty in this post - I find myself having the same internal conversations, especially asking myself - what do I have to lose? Nothing! And yet I find I can't just DO it!

    Easier said than done, but you're right, it's all about acknowledging the feeling. Great post!

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